Therapist strays into female patient’s empathy trap

Therapist strays into female patient’s “empathy” trap

Late at night, the knock on the door awakened me who had just fallen asleep. I could hardly believe my eyes. This man with a shaggy and shabby clothes outside the door turned out to be my college classmate and Cui Bainian who had been missing mysteriously for more than half a year.!!
  Like me, Cui Bainian worked as a psychologist in this provincial capital by the Yangtze River. The counseling hotline he hosted was very popular, and his family was very happy.
Therefore, when he suddenly abandoned his career and his family disappeared, people were puzzled.
His image of the tramp at the moment surprised me even more.
“Can I stay with you for a few days?
Cui Bainian said straight away, “Old classmate, I have no choice but to go.
“We arrived and slept.
他长吁短叹地翻着身,在我的追问下,他犹豫了一阵,终于说出自己“失踪”的真相:来自远方的求助电话  2000年12月,我在心理咨询热线接听了一个来自成都的长途Calling for help, a young woman on the verge of collapse was called Wu Kechun.
I tried to soothe her as much as I could to calm her down.
  Since then, she has called the hotline every day.
Sometimes she grumbled and cried, and sometimes hysterically broke the microphone.
After many conversations, I grasped her situation: she was an arrogant intellectual woman, and she was frustrated when she graduated from college to find a job. She became a “second mother” who was raised by a wealthy Taiwanese businessman on the mainland.
Feelings of humiliation and emptiness caused an abnormal mental condition and suffered from depression and mania.
I put a lot of energy into Wu Kechun, and after several months of treatment, her condition improved.
In March 2001, she went to visit relatives in Guangdong and said she would come to visit me by the way.
I went to her hotel to meet her.
She is beautiful and pretty, with big talking eyes.
In the conversation, she showed excellent understanding and feminine tenderness, and she was almost the same as the patient who had a hysterical attack on the phone a few months ago.
Looking closely at her, I judged that the change in this personality-dependent helper was a sign of “empathy.”
  Few people know that there is also a danger in the psychological counseling industry, that is, “empathy” and “anti-empathy” that occur between patients and psychologists.
  Just like a surgeon’s surgery to dissect a patient’s body, a psychiatrist performs mental treatment for a patient, and must trace the hidden knot deep in the patient’s subconscious mind, and this special treatment situation can easily cause the patient to have abnormal emotions and treat hisFeelings need to be transferred to the psychologist.
“Negative empathy” is manifested by the patient’s hatred and abuse of the doctor; “positive empathy” is the patient’s love of the doctor.
If the doctor accepts the patient’s love for himself, it constitutes the doctor’s “anti-transference”.
  Cui Bainian’s magnetic voice, humorous language, and unrestrained free and easy manners have repeatedly made female patients “empathy”?
He has successfully solved this problem in the past.
I met with Wu Kechun this time, and he was facing the inevitable trouble of this psychologist. How would he deal with it?
“Empathetic love is not in accordance with ethics and doctors’ professional ethics and cannot be accepted under any circumstances,” I said, “psychologists must always be vigilant about their ‘anti-empathy’!
“I told Wu Kechun that I was just her psychiatrist. Any other ideas were unrealistic.
She said with tears: “I know I’m not worthy of you, you go, let me die, who told me so hard?
“No matter what I say, she just looks at me silently and affectionately.
  I intend to calm her down for a while.
She stayed at the hotel and walked away every day holding a phone to me, and tried to find a showdown with my wife.
All my efforts at her were futile.
But I also know that it is very dangerous to leave her away at such a moment. Only remedial measures can be taken-to ask another doctor to treat her.
Remember, I called you and asked for your help?
  I suddenly realized.
I certainly remember that one day in late March 2001, Cui Bainian called to introduce a patient to me.
When I went to his clinic by appointment, he disappeared somehow.Hearing this matter at this moment, I became interested in the “introduction” that time, and urged him to say it quickly.

  Drinking dove quenches thirst to stop the love network. I went to Wu Kechun’s hotel room again, and saw her hair was messy, her clothes were not straightened, and she had become despicable for a few days.

When I euphemistically stated that I was going to introduce another psychologist for her, she stared at me in despair, drew a fruit knife under the pillow, and cut her wrist on the spot to commit suicide!

  I hurriedly rushed her to the hospital for rescue and kept on guard.

Her mood is extremely unstable. In this case, if she consults a doctor, she will think that I hate her, and her extreme inferiority will be closed, and the continuous treatment effect will be destroyed once, resulting in worsening of the condition.

I hesitated for a few days, and cancelled my idea of asking for help . Now that Cui Bainian was silent.

As an old classmate, I could hear another reason why he could n’t say it in the bottom of his heart-in the unit he is a business authority; at home, he is an idol worshipped by his daughter, a respectable husband of his wife;The helper recovered his health under his treatment and was grateful for him.

Introducing “emotional” heterosexual patients to their peers often indicates that the counselor has lost confidence and ability to control the magnitude of the problem.

Cui Bainian, who has a tendency of personal heroism, is accustomed to being a “savior” and never wants to admit his failure and give up Wu Kechun.

  A few days later, Wu Kechun returned to Chengdu.

I was always upset and worried about her accident.

Sure enough, on April 5th, her nanny suddenly called and said that she committed suicide by poisoning and was dying, and asked to see me for the last time!

The patient repeatedly committed suicide, an unsuccessful failure in my career.

I flew to Chengdu without telling everyone, and I plan to explain it to my wife after a happy ending.

  Wu Kechun was rescued, but she became more dependent on me.

She was desperately weaving a tender love net, which made me deeper and deeper in the net, unable to move.

The night she returned from the hospital to the villa, she launched the most determined love offensive against me.

I can’t refuse, only to accept the love of this woman, hoping to complete the treatment beyond the power of love, making her suffer from depression.

  The wealthy businessmen from Taiwan only visited the mainland for half a year. I overlapped with the lovingly built love nest, while loving Wu Kechun while treating her.

Wu Kechun loved me with a lot of mental and physical nervousness. I was not allowed to leave her sight for a moment. Only after she fell asleep could I miss my wife and daughter.

Psychologically, my wife and daughter are very far away from me, because I really face them without face, but I have to subconsciously distance them from them.

  Gradually, due to intimate skin contact, I developed a true love for Wu Kechun and became more and more unable to break away from the deformed love network.

Wu Kechun constantly threatened with suicide, forcing me to give myself to her.

I drank her tenderness and entrusted the lawyer with a dark and distressed divorce procedure . Cinging here, Cui Bainian’s head was buried deeply and was silent again.

His wife, Li Xiuying, was also a doctor, two years lower than us in college; her daughter Xiaoye was in third grade.

Cui Bainian’s disappearance hit the mother and daughter very hard. Li Xiuying washed her face with tears all day long, and the innocent and lively leaflets also looked like frost.

The breakdown of this happy family makes everyone who knows them sad.

  With the scissors tied to the rose, I asked Cui Bainian angrily: “Don’t you understand that the patient’s courtship with the psychiatrist is most likely to be touching?

Because you are trying to guide her to dig deep in the heart, she subconsciously uses ‘love’ to drag the doctor to the position of her lover, destroying the authority of the doctor and diverting her uneasiness!

Will this abnormal relationship make people happy?

“He is a doctor, and I should know without me reminding that the doctor’s satisfaction with the patient’s empathy is actually a substitute role. If she does not help the patient to be freed from depression, her disease will not be truly treated.

  Why don’t I understand these reasons!


At that time, I was faint, thinking that I could control the patient by my own ability, but I did not expect-I divorced, determined to cure Wu Kechun’s illness, and set up a new family with her.

At first she seemed to be better, but then she was wrong-she became angry and happy, constantly blame and confessed, and showed a profound pathological reaction.

She was skeptical that I would dump her like an ex-wife in the future, so I figured out ways to deal with me. I was not allowed to leave the house half a step, I was not allowed to talk to any woman, and even replaced the female nanny at home with a male nanny.Monitor me.

Such love is suffocating.

I reopened the counseling hotline and tried to dilute the shadow of life with my career.

But Wu Kechun was worried that I would collude with other female patients and obstruct them so that I could not work normally.

After several failures, I lost my confidence in consulting the patient, my mood was depressed, and my heart was very upset.  Day by day she became unreasonable, treated me rudely, and kept arguing about things that didn’t matter.

One day I did n’t “instruct” her to buy a pack of cigarettes from the street. She actually asked the bodyguard to beat me!

I finally realized that I fell into the trap of “empathy” of the opposite sex patient, and it was really wrong.

Looking back on the warmth of the family, I really can’t regret it.

  Unbearable, I managed to escape from the villa while she was in the beauty salon.

But I had no money, and all the money was searched by her.

I have no relatives in Chengdu, I do n’t have a door to borrow money, and I only go to work to earn home expenses.

Hey, look at my psychiatrist, I have nothing to do when I work, I can only wash the dishes for the roadside shop, and do some miscellaneous work at the construction site .

I handed him a cup of hot tea, and he took a few sips and calmed his excitement before continuing to tell.

  Back here after all the hard work, I wandered outside the house for a few days, I didn’t have the courage to see my wife, daughter, and didn’t want to come to you and other friends.

September 16 is Xiaoye ‘s birthday. I asked my relatives to borrow some money, bought a birthday cake, and dared to ring the doorbell.

When Xiuying opened the door and saw me, she was stunned-look at my ragged clothes, and look at my downcast looks. Where is she like her former husband?

I talked to her without a face, shoved the cake into my daughter’s hands, and said, “Happy birthday to you.

Xiaoye was holding the cake in a bun, and suddenly cried, “I don’t want cake!”

I want dad, mom doesn’t divorce!

“She dropped the box on the ground, rushed into her bedroom and wept loudly, crying like a knife in my heart, so uncomfortable!

  Xiuying cleans up the cake on the ground.

She saw the cream picture on the cake, which was specially designed by scissors with red roses.

Xiu Ying muttered the meaning of the portrait: “Cut continuously, reason is still chaotic .” She pointed out that it is my voice-at this moment, the thoughts and guilt of my loved ones are constantly being cut in my heart,Chaos . Cui Bainian strayed into the “empathy trap”, causing such serious consequences, and it was also a loud alarm for me.

Facing his regrets, I secretly reminded myself: as a psychologist, you must resist the consultant’s “empathy” with good personality and noble professional ethics, and you must not allow “anti-empathy” to cherish everything we cherishDestroyed once!

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Nine tricks to make weight loss and fitness more addictive


Nine tricks to make weight loss and fitness more addictive

What we are all about is a fitness mechanism, a mechanism that turns daily fitness into a habit.

If fitness can be accustomed to like brushing your teeth and washing your face every day, will you worry about “planning to keep up with change”?

American fitness experts and coaches have developed 9 ways to help you get addicted to fitness.


Learn to reward yourself: Just stick to fitness for 1 year and go . Wrong: What does this have to do with fitness?

  Studies have found that bodybuilders who regularly reward themselves are likely to be 1-2 times higher than those who never reward themselves.

Dr Dunn said that in our study, a woman decided that as long as she could stay fit for a year, she would go hiking in Ireland, and eventually she would become.

Another bodybuilder bought himself a pair of new shoes after two months of fitness and a new sportswear after six months.

The reward mechanism can be very simple, maybe go to “Six People” after doing 100 sit-ups.

“Everything important in life can be combined with fitness,” Dunn said.


Goals must be high, but not too high: Specific goals-I have to walk 20 minutes a day.

  Wrong: Abstract goal-I have to work harder.

  Whether it’s improving endurance, participating in a triathlon, or doing 25 push-ups, setting a goal is enough to help you stay better.

Former Dean of the American College of Sports Medicine?

Dr. Sha Jie said, if your goal is short-term, specific and realistic, such as “I have to walk 20 minutes a day” instead of “I want to exercise harder”, it is easier to stick to it.

If you easily reach your goal, you should set it higher and approve it every 4-6 weeks to ensure that you have not changed the right direction.


Make a note of your progress: Keep track of your fitness routine.

  Wrong: what did I do yesterday?


  Studies have found that sticking to a diet or a person’s body is easier to lose weight.

In addition, in one study, people who recorded in detail lost twice as much weight as those who remembered less.

Pay attention to the form of exercise, exercise time, intensity, distance, calories burned and exercise location, as well as your mental state, physical fitness level, sleep and diet the night before.

  A pedometer, heart rate monitor, and stopwatch can help you record in detail, immediately bring you a sense of accomplishment, and help you understand how far, how fast, how much energy you have burned, and your progressHow big.

Use these tools to challenge yourself and set new goals.


“Mini” fitness exercise pairs: move anywhere, anytime.

  Wrong: I’m busy today, I really don’t have time to exercise.

  If you have too little time, you can only take 10-15 minutes to exercise every day to keep your body in a good state (endurance training or strength training is OK).

Although doing micro exercises once a day can help strengthen your fitness habits, if you have time to do three times a day, it can also help you lose excess weight.

Studies have found that people who see gap stitches for exercise every day can accumulate more fitness time than people who adhere to the regular 30-45 minute fitness program. If you can’t guarantee an 1-hour walk, then it is better to exercise whenever you have time, evenIt’s only 15 minutes.


Find the right partner: a friend with a fitness plan.

  Wrong: working out alone.

  Going to exercise with friends can help you execute your fitness program better.

But this does not necessarily mean that any friend can do it. John, an associate professor of sports science at Brown Medical College, USA?

Dr. Jackiesik said that your friends should have greater fitness awareness.
People who have a fitness plan and beginners will get better fitness results than beginners working out alone, and they can support each other, encourage each other, and benefit from the sense of responsibility of the crowd.

A variety of exercise options: exciting fitness programs.

  Wrong: Only do what you like.

  People’s enthusiasm for a certain kind of fitness exercise may fade within a month, so we should learn to control our enthusiasm for exercise.

If you feel you have no enthusiasm or can’t improve anymore, change to a different exercise style immediately.

Ask a personal trainer to help you with your fitness program once a month, some to learn martial arts with your children, or take dance classes.

The professional coach said, “By building up, you will have more advantages to participate in other sports, and at the same time, it will help maintain a high level of initiative.

Studies show that a person’s body adapts to a certain form of exercise after a few weeks.

This period of time is the “exercise cycle”. After this period, it is difficult to obtain significant results unless you make it.


Exercise every day: Exercise 3-5 days a week.

  Wrong: I haven’t exercised for more than 2 days.

  FirstFitnessInc, a consulting company in Salt Lake City, USA.

Richard, the chief exercise physiologist?

Corton said that if you want to turn fitness into a daily habit, don’t go out for more than two consecutive days.

He explained that people who exercise only 1-2 times a week are more likely to lose their jobs halfway than 3-4 times a week.

Because fitness frequency can affect your fitness persistence more than fitness time or exercise style.

The American College of Sports Medicine recommends exercising 3-5 days a week. If you can only get 3 days a week for fitness, you should evenly allocate these 3 days to maintain a certain momentum.


Proposed alternative pair: miss it, miss it, as long as you work harder tomorrow.

  Wrong: cannot continue because there are obstacles.

  Senior personal trainer Dr. Dunn suggested that you should take into account some factors that may affect fitness, such as vacation and work arrangements, and then prepare a backup plan.

Keep a note of the ways to overcome the “fitness barrier” in Notepad. Whenever you encounter difficulties, you can be prepared.

Most importantly, don’t give up as soon as you encounter obstacles.

Dr Dunn said: “You might think,‘ I do n’t have time to go to the gym today, and I ca n’t go on the weekend, so just stop and start again next Monday ‘.

In fact, you don’t need to feel guilty because you missed one or two fitness exercises. You must learn to accept the facts. If you miss it, you will miss it, as long as you work harder tomorrow.


Set aside time for fitness: 8:00 am, my fitness time is up!

  Wrong: Forget it, I have to work overtime at night and don’t go to the gym.

  Post a post-it note on your computer or set an alarm to let it remind you to exercise at a fixed time every day.

When you do the same thing at the same time every day, you can gradually develop a habit.

Once a fixed pattern is formed, daily fitness is as important as company meetings.

Research also shows that people who exercise in the morning will get better results than those who exercise in the afternoon or evening, because people will concentrate more in the morning and have more energy. You should find the best time to exercise.

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Women should learn to protect themselves

Women should learn to protect themselves

In real life, there are too many cases of each of these choices.

Compared with normal family grading, the appearance of unmarried mothers is no longer a strange thing in the eyes of some people.

  However, shortly after “Squash Pig” appeared on the Internet as a strong and independent unmarried mother, an unmarried mother with a net name of “Youran” issued “Wanting Orders” on the Internet and wanted to know herself through the Internet andA man who gave birth to a daughter also announced the name, ID number, photo, graduation school and other details of the man.

Compared with the two, this big discussion about unmarried mothers became more heated.

  Autonomous unmarried mothers have increased the number of social scholars in the city, and psychological counselor He Feng said in an interview with reporters that “unmarried mothers” were not completely absent before. The reason why they have become a topic of concern today is mainly based on two aspectsReasons: First, the rapid development of society, people’s concepts are increasingly open and tolerant, and they can understand a relatively diverse lifestyle. Second, women’s social status, especially the improvement of economic growth, makes them more likely to follow their ownAct on opinions.

“The transformation of people’s identity from a unit person to a social person, the manifestation of women’s independent economic and social personality, and the increasing division of social division of labor, all of these have made people’s rights and desires to choose their own lifestyles manifested.

In particular, many unmarried mothers today are white-collar women in large and medium-sized cities. They have this confidence and ability to properly handle the relationship between work, life and children. They are more sunny, independent, and mature than previous unmarried mothers.我们不妨称之为‘自主型未婚妈妈’。I once met an unmarried mother, and she said so-now, it is a scientific issue to have children without a man, but raising children without a man is a problem of ideas.

It is reported that due to the rising divorce rate and the opening of the concept of marriage, the number of single mothers (including unmarried mothers) is increasing in many countries. The number of single mothers in the United States has exceeded 13 million, and they are raising 20 million children.

In the world, the most thorough practice of the role of “unmarried mother” is the big-name Hollywood actress Juddy?


She gave birth to two children through artificial conception in 1998 and 2001. She once said: “The screen characters I choose are heroines in the men’s world, and they are fighting alone for truth, freedom and knowledge.Woman who never compromises.

“With her popularity and film pay, she does have enough confidence to practice such a role. Such wisdom and skill are beyond the reach of ordinary women.

  He no longer blindly sympathizes with unmarried mothers and even has the high tolerance of the whole society. He Feng, who has been in contact with too many unmarried mothers, told reporters that while the entire society has expressed understanding of unmarried mothers, their “requirements” are also in factCorresponding improvement; and in real life, due to economic and other pressures, unmarried mothers who can carry through their original determination, confidence and love to the end are still very few.

“有句广东话叫‘食得咸鱼抵得渴’,你不是未成年少女,你有辨别力和分析力,那么你就要为你自己的选择付出代价,包括要承受一定的经济压力和mental stress.

If you have already made the decision to have a child and later find that you cannot implement it, and then come out to seek public sympathy, the public will not be so blind.

“When Wu Qili claimed to conceive” Little Dragon Girl “, she was criticized mercilessly by former actress Zhen Ni:” It was something you wished to do at first, what’s the reason now? ”

Not long ago, an unmarried mother with a net name of “Yiyouran” replaced a paper “Wanting Order” of “bearing humiliation to give birth to a child and expecting her baby to see his father”, indicating that he fell in love with a male netizen and became pregnant.Married to herself, but during her pregnancy, the other party did not know where she was going; she has given birth to a child now, and because the parents and her own financial ability are limited, he hopes that the man can assume the responsibility of being a father.

While sympathizing with the overall situation of “Yiyouran”, many netizens also expressed disagreement with her blatant imitation of the man’s real name, identity card number and even the identity of his relatives and friends.

  Many netizens believe that “some people’s cynicism, casual life, and irresponsibility are the root causes of this incident.” In addition, this practice of unmarried mothers will hurt children.

“When you decided to cause your child’s photos to be posted online, did you plan for your child’s future?

This child has been the focus of others since he was born. A small amount of his father was harvested by his mother, and his mother was excavated by thousands of people. An innocent child who is not sensible, his wealth . Sorry, he has never been born again.A little bit!

I support you in recovering what you deserve, but the method you use is really not the way of a sane mother.

“Unmarried mothers are by no means a” fashion “merger. The most serious appearance of” unmarried mothers “is the entertainment stars.

Jackie Chan’s “Little Dragon Girl Incident” and Na Ying Gao’s birth turmoil have caused a lot of controversy among ordinary citizens.

He Feng reminded: “I saw a lot of media reports that expressed support and appreciation for the practices of these celebrities’ unmarried mothers, thinking that they were brave and forthright and were at the forefront of the times.

This may create an illusion among some young girls, thinking that dare to be an unmarried mother is a way to commemorate love and express your personality. It is the latest fashion, but the truth is by no means so simple.

In He Feng’s view, being a good mother requires learning, and being a good unmarried mother requires strict self-cultivation.

This practice includes: an independent personality-no matter whether there is a chance of marriage or not, this is the bottom line to protect yourself and your children; self-understanding-clear understanding of the self is the basis of a clear understanding of the world, based on this, think “”Others can do it, and they can do it themselves” is a great immaturity; the ability to create economics-unmarried mothers must be materially prepared to raise a child alone; the courage to keep learning-not only howTo learn to be a mother, you also need to learn how to be a father and how to ensure the physical health of your child.

“If you take a comprehensive assessment from these aspects, very few women can qualify as unmarried mothers.

Therefore, in the foreseeable future, unmarried mothers will definitely not become a fashion. It just exists, and it is very rare.

The subdivision of netizens’ “days on the cloud” may represent the voice of most people: “I have seen stories like ‘Yiyouran’ and ‘Sweet Pigs’ in my life.

My approach is understandable but strongly discouraged.

Since the formation of children is not something that women can accomplish individually, it is best to decide on both sexes.

Since you love children, try to give them a quality environment for growth.

“Women should learn to protect themselves from the issues raised by current unmarried mothers. He Feng told reporters that we generally overlook a very important point: women’s awareness of self-protection.

“Most of the unmarried mothers I met with explained their pregnancy as an ‘accident,’ which made me personally very dissatisfied.

First of all, this is unfair to the child, and does not meet the basic eugenics policy. Few people have really considered whether men and women have had alcohol before, whether there may be genetic diseases, whether the woman’s physical condition is appropriate, and other factors.In fact, although society already has tolerance in this regard, both body and dignity are responsible for themselves. Whether it is a couple or a couple, if there is no plan to have a child in the near future, they must take safe and reasonable contraceptive measures to avoid这种‘意外’发生。Because once pregnant, whether you want this child or not, it will inevitably cause a psychological burden on the woman.

I’ve seen some unmarried mothers who have a difficult life, condemning their children, and regret bringing them to this world; there are also some women who choose to give up their children and dream of blame themselves for their unborn children.Depression.

“As a preset, as a psychological counselor, He Feng also expressed that at present many young men and women have taken a careless attitude towards gender relations.

“If social openness is abused, the consequences will only be to hurt ourselves and others.

Especially the difference in physiological conditions directly determines that women are more likely to suffer physical injuries, so they need self-love and self-respect.

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